Creating Space: The quiet courage of holding discomfort

Transformation rarely arrives with fanfare. Sometimes, it begins in silence. How quiet, discomfort and trust can open the door to real, lasting change in charity leadership.

There’s a moment in every consultancy journey, often unspoken, always unnerving, where you feel the tumbleweed start to roll. The room goes quiet. Eyes look down. Something unravels. And you, as the facilitator, must decide: Do I fill the silence? or Do I hold it?

I’ve learned, after almost 25 years working in and with the voluntary sector, that the most powerful transformations often emerge from that silence. But only if we’re brave enough to wait.

The risk and the reward

I was once working with a national infrastructure organisation, one with multiple local branches and trustee boards, many of whom had been in post a long time. We were running a two-day development session for trustees. The morning had gone well: interactive, positive, and packed with reminders about their responsibilities and the boundaries of their roles. Everyone seemed on board, engaged even.

But the afternoon was different.

Ahead of the session, we’d surveyed the chief officers of each branch. What we received wasn’t a neat list of feedback points, it was raw, emotional and deeply frustrated. It read like a therapy session. Comments about outdated mindsets, micromanagement and resistance to change poured out. I asked the client whether we should soften the feedback. She paused, then asked what I thought.

“We should go with it,” I said. “Let’s hold the space. Let’s see what happens.”

So, after lunch, with energy still high, I passed the trustees a carefully anonymised set of comments from the chief officers. Then I stepped back.

And silence fell.

The art of not intervening

This is the work, I thought. Not the neat slides or the confident facilitation. It’s this: the choice not to rescue people from discomfort. Not to dilute the truth. Not to make it easier than it needs to be.

Eventually, papers were set down. Eyes lifted. One trustee cleared his throat.

“We know what we should be doing,” he said. “Clearly, we’re not doing it.”

That sentence changed everything.

What followed was one of the most open, honest and productive conversations I’ve ever witnessed between board members. They owned the critique, reflected on where it applied, and began building strategies for change.

By that evening, they were lining up for the quiz night we’d planned. Their engagement hadn’t withered, it had deepened. Because we’d trusted them with the truth. And they’d risen to it.

Creating space is an act of leadership

Holding space is not passive. It is not doing nothing. It is an intentional act of leadership. It says: I believe in your ability to reflect, to take responsibility, to grow.

Of course, it comes with risk. Not every room will respond like this one did. But if we want true culture change in our charities and boards, we have to be willing to hold the awkward pauses. We have to let discomfort surface. And then we have to walk people through it—with clarity, care and conviction.

That’s where transformation happens. Not in the noise, but in the quiet courage of what follows.

The Female Alchemist works with boards, founders and leadership teams to help charities evolve with purpose. Whether you’re managing change, addressing legacy tensions, or simply unsure how to move forward, I bring clarity, calm—and just the right amount of challenge, to help you create space for something better.

If your organisation is ready to hold space for honest change, let’s talk.